Nothing else but love

Is this simply confusion? Or, was I mistaken?

And right now, where I am, I just do not know

Why I feel this way, I do not have a hint or a clue

Find out where I stand, how do I do?

Love, in love, lust, infatuation - what is each about?

I know similarities, undoubtedly, there are none

Love is what I believe in, the others irrelevant

But how do I know for certain it is love in my heart?

Love is better than just the feeling of being in love

Therefore, it is obvious what I want in my life

But why is it so complicated most of the time?

Why do I feel lost quite often such as now?

Then, I think and contemplate but more than that I feel

It is not unwise to ignore my head and heed my heart

It is the best route for me to take as a matter of fact

Thus, ask questions, analyze and worry, I do not

For I heard one said, life is fragile yet love is not

So nothing matters whatever happens in my life

Whether my time on earth is meant to be long or short

Love is what I choose, anytime, no doubt, for sure.

It doesn't matter

It doesn’t matter that for me you may not be ready

It doesn’t matter that what I wish you may not want

It doesn’t matter that you prefer to be free perhaps

Although the opposite is what I would like, in fact.

It matters not that your thoughts may exclude me

It matters not that in your dreams a part I have not

It matters not that your heart does not hold me

Because you are in mine, thoughts, dreams and heart.

It doesn’t matter to me where you are in life at the moment,

It doesn’t matter to me what you are going through right now,

It doesn’t matter to me how you are living your life currently,

Unless all of these matter to you and my concern in your life has an impact

What really matters is how I feel towards you,

What concerns me is what I feel in my heart for you,

And that my feelings for you are real, no doubt

That is, I do love you, no matter what!

Have you ever

Have you ever felt love in your heart

so much love that it feels so real

you could almost touch it

and your heart threatens to burst open?

I have... I do!

Have you ever experienced faith

so much faith that the smile

on your face cannot be erased

and not a slightest doubt can be traced?

I have... and still!

Have you ever trusted someone

with so much trust that you need

no proof nor reason to know

that only he is the best for you?

I have... I do!

Have you ever loved so much that it matters not

if he loves you, too?  Or less, or more

It is of no concern because you know

that while heart and mind may not align

reality is that this love is true.

Have you ever been blessed

as much as I have been?  Oh, I wish so..

For nothing compares to the joy within

Such bliss, such peace, such happiness!

Have you ever?

Where I find myself today

Hollow, nothing but emptiness

I cannot deny this naked space

In my heart, I searched for a sign

To find joy so I can smile

Pain, nothing but hurt

Tears must flow, I need to let go

Sadness I want to feel

To move on and blithely live again

Alone, no one but me

Looking around

Where have you taken me?

And left, without turning back

Deep down, hope I want to see

With fresh eyes conceivably

And a brand new outlook

Is it plausible really?

Then in full view

I was brought face to face

Filled with love as I held

In my heart my friends

Void no more, no longer aching

I find myself in awe

In the arms of those whose love for me

Is real and true

Yet again

Am I here again?

Do I have to say what I am thinking?

And yet, I cannot seem to contradict me?

Indeed, no question… here I go again!

Had I not been sane I would scream

Challenging the inevitable, even cursing

Angry and frustrated, hating life

No option left, I’m forced to grow up

Love comes and goes, so is that love?

Was it not perhaps an illusion?

Do I, at all, know what real love is?

Scary thought if that was the case

Love, life, learning, experiences…

How much more for me is left?

At times I don’t want to move at all

So fearful of the consequences

But as restless spirits go

I keep on walking and pushing

As though my heart hasn’t had enough pain

Not worried about hurting again

There I went carelessly falling

Thinking I was being brave

My fragile heart opened up

For yet again another hurt

I am left wondering

Questioning my judgment

Doubting my intuition

Searching, digging, scrutinizing…

What am I?

A martyr, a saint?

A sucker for punishment?

Or plain and simple stupid?

Do I really love? Or, only like?

Is it not purely chemistry?

So fickle, so confused, and so lost

In love with the idea of love alone

Surrendering to my heart’s mystery

Letting love go, I do contemplate

Conceding that my life is meant

To be void, no one to share it with

And on my career I concentrate

Something within my control I think

No one else to blame if it did not work

On my mind I can rely much more

This way I feel I am valuable

With tangible results I see my worth

So much easier, it takes less effort

Satisfied with whatever little result

Still, subconsciously, I do ask

Is this it? Is this all?

Beginning of the end

I want to know if you can tell me, if you know what my heart knows that I seem ignorant of.  I want to know that my heart is in fact mistaken, and that to my intellect it should listen.

Tell me what you think, share with me your understanding; I want to know if you know why my heart disagrees with my head and you.

I know that you tell me you are just you and what you do is what’s right for you; still, I want to know if everything you say is true and that I simply choose to ignore your point of view.

I want to know if you know why I insist on wanting to be with you, when you are obviously perfectly fine whether or not I’m by your side.

I want to know if you can help me, and if you can, will you allow me, as I do want to be like you, to find it easy to just say, “No!” and stop my heart’s longing for you.

I want to know if you can tell me what it is that I should do; how to not want to see you and talk to you, how to not want to touch you and hold you and how to not want to be held and kissed by you.

I want to know if you can coach me; teach me how to forget and erase all memories that I have kept.  Help me to not remember who we were once with each other, to not remember the times we spent together although few and to not remember some moments that we once have shared.

I want to let go of the past, the time when I thought perhaps there was a chance that what we could have would stand out.  It could have been my imagination, but it seemed to me you did want my company and time with me, for whatever reason; it is unimportant.  All I want is to leave me blissfully unaware in case I only fooled myself.

But indeed it seems that I am changing…

I wish to know now what’s in your heart.  Can you tell me that what you feel is real?  And tell me that your head is in agreement.  I wish to know if you can be honest when you tell me that your truth is that you love only as a friend.  Nothing more!

What my heart holds is not in question and where I am matters not at all.  I want to know where you stand when you are alone, when there is no one else in sight.

I want to know if when you speak, you mean what you say and say what you mean.  I want to know if you can tell me without pretense that you are with joy even when I am nowhere, not in your thoughts nor in your heart and that your soul absolutely has no lack.

I want to know that I can forge ahead, that I can move on to a new world of opportunities and experiences uncommon, where I can appreciate what I now neglect and welcome all newness previously not met.

I want to know that you agree with no hesitation, no apprehension and no condition, that tomorrow brings a new person in me; one who looks back painlessly.

When I see you smile as you walk away, into the unknown I do the same, without fear whatsoever, without the slightest trace of hurt and the memories that remain will carry no grudge knowing that you misled me not and that we merely have reached the end of our road, the road we were meant to walk, side by side.  Together…  It is no more!

Woman

Woman, you are a beautiful being!

You are an incredible creation

An awesome manifestation of the Almighty’s power

You have been created as proof of God’s love to humankind

Why, then, do you see yourself as someone unworthy of all that you deserve?

Did you not know that you are the daughter of a Queen?

Stop and think before you once again

Allow yourself to be treated like a slave

You are of royal blood, therefore act like one

I hear you let yourself give in

To one who treats you as though you have no brains

One who keeps you silent when you should speak

Tell me woman, did you forget how powerful your mind is?

Let your voice be heard

Make it known that you are aware of your choices

Do not let anyone else decide what is good for you

You have the power to say, ‘No!’

I hear you have fallen in love

With one who thinks you’re not good enough

One who thinks you’re a ‘nobody’

And left you with a broken heart

Tell me woman, did you forget what your worth is?

You deserve nothing less than a hundred percent

Of love, loyalty, care and respect

I want to understand what goes on in your mind

I want to know if it is your kind heart that fails to recognize

The lies, the deception and the manipulation

It saddens me to know that a man unworthy of your love and attention

Can steal your joy when he takes your heart

And casts it aside as he desires

Wake up woman and see him for what he is, do not be blind

Realize that you are worthy of much more

Leave him, do not stay

When the only time he comes to your side

Is when he is in need of what he knows you can give

Woman, be proud of who you are

Love the body and the face you have

You are indeed most beautiful

Not only on the outside

For deep within your heart is pure

And should be filled with love

Love for yourself before anyone else

And self-respect you must keep

For nothing or no one is worth more

And you alone can make you happy

Do not be fooled!

You are all that you need to find

Contentment for which you yearn

Once you know yourself for certain

You will surely be more capable

To give and share the greatest gift

Of love and compassion that you possess

To your friends and lovers but most of all

To those children whose life will come from yours

Woman, smile, for the world is yours

You have the power to be victorious

The happiness that you deserve is definitely within your reach

Go forth and go for it!

Dream

What is it about you?

I wonder if this is true!

I can’t explain what I feel

Every night you’re in my dream

With everything my eyes see

Your image flashes before me

I say your name when I speak

You are the subject when I think

I look for reasons to answer why

It’s you I want in my life

Never before my heart desired

A love that also exists in mind

Am I a fool for loving you?

Will you love me the way I do?

I do believe, oh, I think so,

Given time, I’ll be with you.

I surely will not give you up

The faith I have should be enough

Someday you’ll see it’s meant to be

Forever, together, is for you and me.

Tears

The words echo in my ears

Over and over, I hear

We all hurt, we all cry

We all do, sometimes

Everybody has had pain

We worry and we get scared

At times one feels alone

We all try to be strong

It takes courage to stay sane

To keep hoping, and dreaming

We stand tall despite it all

We work hard to reach the goal

At times we think we’ve been defeated

But then we heard our music played

In high spirits we find us floating

Our confidence comes back again

Nothing lasts for very long

Something better is possible

When one is lost, another’s gained

We all can win in the end

Believe me that we get the best

In life we’ll find our happiness

So, let the tears freely flow

Laughter will reign come tomorrow

Regret

So many questions come to mind

It seems I had been truly blind

Too scared, too weak, oh, so uptight

My heart has failed to do what’s right

You came along into my life

Making my days complete and bright

The thought of you brought endless smiles

You were the reason I felt alive

You always showed how much you cared

Forever honest about how you felt

With you I was a special one

I was convinced I was important

With everything you were to me

I really was grateful and happy

To me you were simply the greatest

I should have taken the risk, at least

But I was too afraid to try

The chance I had did pass me by

I did not listen to my heart

I was too worried I would get hurt

I can’t believe I let it happen

I did not fight enough to win

I was the loser from the beginning

As I surrendered without even trying

And now I can’t get through to you

You seem so far, I can’t reach you

There’s probably none I can do

I am sorry, that you should know

Foolishness

Realization had hit me bad

I did not learn, and it is sad,

From my mistakes and experiences

It is distressing; I feel I’m hopeless

I did agree when once you told me

Just second best you would not be

Don’t hesitate even a bit

It seems I did none but forget

Although it was not the intention

I was a disappointment, no need to mention

I had been selfish that’s for sure

Somehow I think I had been cruel

My fear was no valid excuse

My insecurity, you must refuse

I tried to stop myself from falling

But now it’s pain that I am feeling

I did not want to take the risk

I do admit that’s what it is

A second chance I don’t deserve

You’re good for one who’s truly brave

I now accept my destiny

Where foolishness had led me

All I can do is think of you

Cherish the time spent with you

Fear

It feels as though it’s been some years

When all I had were pain and tears

When I resigned to loneliness

And gave up on finding my peace

Life truly has its fickleness

Things turn around in just minutes

One thinks there is no future left

No reason to smile and celebrate

The truth is that we can erase

All hopelessness and chaotic mess

We have some choices that we can pick

It is for real not just a trick

It is a gamble to open up

To welcome you into my heart

But then the joy I feel is great

It’s worth the risk that I now take

Why should I be scared to death?

It may not even be a threat

I’ll simply live this life of bliss

With you around is what is best

My perfect love

There doesn’t seem to be a day

When I don’t wish to be with you

It is your smile I love to see

Pure joy and warmth, that’s you to me

Your voice is what I want to hear

Oh, when you speak I am all ears

Sometimes I think I will go mad

If one more day we are apart

I long to be so close to you

My heart aches ‘coz I miss you so

When I’m awake I think of you

And in my dreams you are there, too

When finally you are with me

I do not know how I should be

I tend to fret I do worry

I pray I do make you happy

I wonder what it is I feel

This whole thing just seems so unreal

But then that doesn’t bother me

You are perfect, so let it be!

Sweet one

To me he is sweeter than sweet

Warmer than summer at its hottest

Yet he is cool like winter’s night

Oh, and his smile... my own delight

I watch his face, anticipating

His eyes I know would be sparkling

The thrill I get from his touch..?

Exemplary!  It has no match

He has that certain lazy move

Almost teasing with his approach

It feels like I can wait no more

But then again he’s worth it all

Yeah, fine!  For some he’s not the best

In fact he may not be the greatest

He can also get me upset

‘Though only for a little bit

True, he is almost like a child

One with mischief, rather wild

That makes him that special one

Who gives me life and all the fun

Weakness

Last night I prayed so hard to God

In my despair I cried I sobbed

I did not want to see the day

Knowing it will be sad and gray

I could not see why I should live

When there is none for me to give

Neither is there love to receive

Even myself I can’t deceive

I wished for sleep to take over me

Forget the problems that now face me

I need the break from all exhaustion

There is no answer to any question

Has my lost love forgotten all?

The times shared that were wonderful?

The moments when love did prevail

Were they not true?  Were they unreal?

If feelings were truly sincere

They couldn’t quickly disappear

Unless it is the work of evil

Committing sin is not a thrill

It’s not implied that we both sinned

But to the end our values thinned

Temptation found its victory

What’s left of us is misery

Somehow you are too blind to see

Dishonesty can’t make you happy

Reality will dawn on you

Some things aren’t worth losing what’s true

With God nothing is ever hopeless

Never too late to fix a mess

We’re not too old to change ourselves

That chance to try we do deserve

But then there are others involved

Who dictate what should be resolved

Decisions made are not our own

They often depend on that other person

If words and actions were truly ours

We could allow more tolerance

One person's right we won't deny

For someone else we will not lie

Therefore it’s sad that we give in

To our weakness and earthly things

We sacrifice what is important

For what is fleeting and inconsistent

Is there hope then for us to learn?

The value of morals within?

Commitment to the family

Gives us real joy eternally